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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25244863">This Is Not a Temporary Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Java_Blythe_Peralta/pseuds/Java_Blythe_Peralta'>Java_Blythe_Peralta</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last Kingdom (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of past abuse (not graphic), Trust Issues, big sad, introspective</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:40:40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,468</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25244863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Java_Blythe_Peralta/pseuds/Java_Blythe_Peralta</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eadith has been hurt so many times in her life that it is hard for her to trust. Finan must help her learn.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eadith/Finan (The Last Kingdom)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>This Is Not a Temporary Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/soprano_buddy15/gifts">soprano_buddy15</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was up far, far too late writing this. It also was much longer than I anticipated. I checked my work count when I was finished expecting somewhere around a thousand, turns out it was 2400 but that’s cool. </p><p>I know not everyone is into introspective fics but I find them so fun to write! This was inspired by Ben Platt’s song “Temporary Love”. Some of the dialogue is right from the song. </p><p>This is for my gorgeous, incredible friend, soprano_buddy15, who inspires me to write more. She is the greatest.</p><p>I apologize if the formatting or grammar is off. I’m writing this on my phone because I’m away from my computer at the moment, so if something is screwy I’m sorry. </p><p>Quick warning that there are mentions of abuse and resulting trauma. Nothing is described graphically, but just so you all know what you’re in for. </p><p>This was an excessively long note. I hope you enjoy this story!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She had been hurt too many times to count. It had happened slowly at first. The occasional hit when her father was displeased with her. An argument with her brother that left her cheek stinging. She had learned at a young age that she should not, could not, need people, because they always left or were not what they should be. First her mother. She could remember the kind woman who had watched over her when she was small, but she had gone. Her father’s love had soon been drowned in alcohol and women and greed. She had been forced to give up her body for this idea of love. </p><p>She had still had her brother at that point, but even he had let his love turn to greed, and his respect for her became how she could benefit him. Love had been the reason she had endured every hardship and cruelty in her life. Every hurt and mistreatment and scrape and unkindness. She had done it for love, but love had always disappeared. </p><p>There had been a boy when she was young, she had thought he loved her. She gave him anything he wanted, her body, her love, her hope. Yet when her father had fallen from favour and so had she. Things had changed so much when she had chosen to help Aethelflaed and instead stumbled into her service. She had done it so no woman would have to feel what she had felt all her life. She had been loved in a way that was always temporary. </p><p>****</p><p>Eadith had been drawn to Uhtred and his men the moment she met them, because even though they mistrusted her they did not try to control her. She had met Aethelstan and Aelfwynn and for the first time she felt truly loved, for no one can love like a child can. To them Eadith was all that was good and pure, and she was there and solid and real and deserving of their love. Both of those children had been starved of love in their short years. </p><p>She felt a need to protect those children, and for once she was not afraid that their love would result in her suffering, but again she was wrong. Her voluntary entry into Winchester had been noble but she had been seen, had been captured. She had seen her brother killed, even as his love for her finally resurfaced and he tried to save her life as he lost his own. </p><p>She had sat in an attic for 30 days, hoping and praying for the children, the only thing she had left. Her family was all gone, her home, her faith was even growing weary. Then came the battle. She had escaped only to be drawn in and trampled under foot. She could see and hear the fight clashing around her and she was sure this was her last moment. </p><p>Then something had happened that had surprised her. He had surprised her several times in the short time she had known him. First when he had played with Aethelstan. This strong, brutal warrior was so gentle with the boy. Then, again, when he had let her save them by telling how her brother killed Aethelred. He had not drawn her back and told her to stay silent, he and Uhtred’s men had let her do her part. </p><p>As they travelled the surprises became daily occurrences. He surprised her in the woods when he had joked with her, when he had talked to her as an equal and not someone to be taken and used. Then again as he had held her hand as they had run to Winchester, not pulling her along but ensuring she didn’t fall, and she had done the same for him. And now there he was surprising her again when he threw down his weapons, breaking a shield wall to pick her up. Begging a Dane to let him carry her to safety. Begging God for her to be alive. </p><p>He told her she was alright as he carried her away, told her that he had her, that she was safe. Repeating those words as he carried her to safety, as he had bandaged her wounds, as he gently helped her to a bed before leaving. He demanded nothing in return for his kindness, and that was something Eadith had never experienced before. </p><p>****</p><p>The days following the battle had been hectic and busy, but every day Finan came and checked on her, making sure she had everything she needed. Then came the day he asked her what she planned to do now. She had just shaken her head, and he had offered her a place in Coccham. She had hesitated but taken it, because what else was she to do? </p><p>****</p><p>Coccham, she soon found, was like nowhere she had ever lived. People respected her. She had found true friends in the Abbess Hild and Sihtric’s wife Ealhswith. As well as in Osferth and Sihtric and Uhtred. And especially in Finan. </p><p>Finan puzzled her for he seemed to want nothing from her but friendship, and she loved that. She wanted nothing more, until one day she realized that she did. She realized that the love she had felt for the way he treated her had slowly become love for the man who was treating her that way. She loved him as him, and not just for his actions. </p><p>There was a part of Eadith that could not admit this, even to herself. She had been burned in love far too many times. It had been good until it was gone. So she couldn’t trust Finan. Until one night, they were walking along the river outside of Coccham. </p><p>She had trailed slightly ahead and she had looked back to see Finan staring at her in a way that made her heart pound and her breath catch. His eyes spoke of many things. Of want and lust yes, but also of a greater, deeper affection that she had never seen in any person before. There was an admiration and tenderness in that gaze that made her lose all thoughts aside from him. </p><p>That night had changed everything. As the days had worn on she had started to see that look more and more, until every time he met her eyes she swore she saw it. Still she could not act on the feelings she now knew that she mirrored. The feelings that she felt deep in her soul, deeper than anything that she had felt for anyone before.</p><p>***</p><p>She didn’t, couldn’t, act on it until the day Uhtred and his men had returned from battle with an injured Finan pulled between them. A feeling of panic had settled into her and she had not left Finan’s bedside until he could take care of himself once again. The fear of being hurt was still in her, and she was afraid it always would be. The fear that she would give herself to Finan wholeheartedly, only for him to fall out of love the second he bedded her. Yet the fear that had been struck into her the moment she saw him lying ashen and bloodied in that cart eclipsed it by a thousand.</p><p>So one night she acted. They were again walking along the river, Finan slightly slower as his body continued to heal. Eadith had turned back and seen that look in his eyes and she had turned to face him. </p><p>“Eadith I wanted to thank you for staying with me and carin’ for me as I healed.” He had said, a tone in his voice, a softness that made her calm and wild at the same time. So she had stepped forward and brushed her lips against him. </p><p>Finan had been so shocked that he stood motionless. He had stared at her stunned, and the fear had come crashing back, but then he pulled her to him and kissed her. Truly kissed her. And it was like no kiss Eadith had ever experienced. It wasn’t clumsy or aggressive or stolen from her. It was a kiss that melted her and warmed her and filled her with thoughts and feelings she hadn’t known she could possess. It was a kiss she chose to give. </p><p>****</p><p>So she and Finan had fallen into something, a courtship of sorts, and yet some nights they did nothing more than talk. Finan told her about his past, from his time as a lord in Irland to when he was on the slave ship. He had told her of how he met Uhtred and the many experiences and adventures they had shared. Eadith found herself telling him of her life as well. At first just the surface, but later the deeper things. The hurt, both emotional and physical, that she had experienced at the hands of so many. </p><p>He had held her as she cried. He hadn’t told her it was alright, that she must endure it as it was part of life. He had held her and told her that she was safe now, that he would never let anyone hurt her again. He had told her he loved her. She had started and stared at him. Unsure how to respond, unsure what to say to that. Unsure if she believed him, for if he felt love then soon it would surely be over. </p><p>They had lain together, and each time Finan had been tender and kind and let her take the lead. The first time, afterwards, when they lay beside each other on the bed in a haze she had expected him to leave, for that look in his eyes to vanish. Instead he had pulled her into his arms, pulled the furs over them, and held her as she fell asleep. He had done the same every time since. </p><p>Eadith could still not bring herself to trust it fully. She loved Finan, she knew that. So much it scared her, because she knew that she needed him, that when he fell out of love she would break completely. </p><p>Months passed, and one night Finan had stopped her as they walked, he had held her hands and looked into her eyes and asked her to be his wife. She had turned and ran. She had run until she was inside her home in Coccham and she had closed the door and cried. She could not trust it. </p><p>***</p><p>She had remained therein her home for days, until one morning when a knock pounded on her door. She opened it to find Uhtred. </p><p>“What have you done to my friend?” He had barked at her. </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“Finan.” Uhtred had clipped out. “Something happened, many days ago now, and he has not been the same since. His sword skill is sloppy, his awareness is gone. If he were in battle like this he would surely be dead. He will not joke or talk with Sihtric and Osferth and I. Not even Hild could get him to laugh. He barely leaves his house. I will not see him suffer again. This is your doing, Lady. Fix it.” </p><p>He had walked away after his speech, leaving Eadith stunned in the doorway. She had closed the door and all she could think was ‘what have I done?’ She went to find him, because what else could she do? </p><p>****</p><p>She found him beside the river, sitting and staring blankly at the surface. She had stopped a short distance off to look at him. His hair was unkempt, his beard messy. He wore a simple tunic and breeches, not armour or weapons. His cross was the only way to identify him as the man she had come to know. The sight of him broke her, for she realized it was because of her, and she could not bear it. </p><p>She approached him, and he started and looked at her. His eyes were red around the edges and without thinking Eadith had fallen to her knees beside him and wrapped her arms around him. He had pulled back. Staring at her like he couldn’t figure her out. She didn’t have to wonder why. </p><p>“Finan, my love, I am so sorry.” She said, her voice cracking. </p><p>He just shook his head. “Why?” He asked, “Why did you do it? Why Eadith?”</p><p>So she sat back, giving him his space and she explained. Explained how love had always treated her in the past. How it had always been temporary and had always disappeared in a moment. He watched her intently the whole time, and fresh tears fell from his eyes as she told him. Even in his own pain, he hurt for her. </p><p>“That is why, Finan.” She said. “Because I couldn’t believe you truly loved me. That it wouldn’t just fade as all the others did. That there wouldn’t come a time when I was a thing to be used for gain once again. So I ran because I knew if you did that to me, I would break, I would be destroyed because I need you Finan. I need you in ways I’ve never needed anyone. I need you to live, to survive.” </p><p>Finan took her hands, “Eadith. Never. This is not a temporary love that I feel for you. God knows I have never felt something like this before. We have both been accustomed to standing on our own. Both too afraid of needing another, of having to lean on another. But I swear to you Eadith, through good and bad, I will be by your side. You hold my heart in your hands.” </p><p>Eadith cried then. Truly let herself cry for the first time since she was a child. She let Finan hold her as she cried out the good and the bad that had been building up for years. </p><p>“I am not perfect, Eadith.  Anyone can tell you that. I will make mistakes, I will hurt you sometimes, I know I will. But I will never do it on purpose. I am as much a stranger to this kind of love as you are, but there is a pull between us. It keeps drawing me back no matter how hard I try to break free. You must see that this is not a temporary love.” </p><p>She had looked into his eyes, and she knew. This love was infinite, it was consuming and strong and true. They had both broken in the past few days when they had been apart, it was a feeling Eadith never wanted to experience again in her life. </p><p>“I love you.” Eadith said. “I trust you completely. Finally.”</p><p>So Finan took her face in his hands and he kissed her, pouring his heart and soul into that kiss. </p><p>This was not a temporary love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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